Saturday, August 16, 2008


Thats all

60 comments:

Dont do it jake said...

Dear Shawn Johnson,

Where do you get off? A good gymnast and hot as fuck? Who do you think you are? By now you may have guessed I'm speaking ironically and have nothing but good things to say about what you do. Shawn Johnson do not change a thing.

Signed, Jake Jenkins (dictated but not read)

Dont do it jake said...

Posting in an epic blog

Dont do it jake said...

Rule 34 on Shawn Johnson

Dont do it jake said...

Rule 34 on Sean Draper

Dont do it jake said...

Rule 34 on Sean Connery

Dont do it jake said...

Rule 34 on Sean Hannity

Dont do it jake said...

Rule 34 on Sean Paul

Dont do it jake said...

Rule 34 on Paul McCartney

Dont do it jake said...

Rule 34 on Paul the Apostle

Dont do it jake said...

I want the sauce on all my comments nao

Dont do it jake said...

...epic win.

Dont do it jake said...

You sir, are and idiot ^_^.

Dont do it jake said...

Not my own personal army

Dont do it jake said...

Everyone who hasn't commented yet on this blog is the cancer killing /gs/

Dont do it jake said...

Rule 34 on Poweraide

Dont do it jake said...

I can't think of anything else to say right now

Dont do it jake said...

once me and my friends smoked this fat blunt but it was laced with lsd so we basically took 150 hits of lsd each whenever we inhaled it was so crazy ahaha it was nuts my friend died

Dont do it jake said...

Hey, I remember one time out on the ranch I was with my brother and I decided to pull a trick on my brother. I took two thick, dense cords of sheep feces and put it in a bowl. I gave to my brother and told him it was chocolate pudding. He began to eat the sheep feces. In fact, HE FINISHED EVERY LAST BIT! My brother ate sheep shit!!! But the funny thing is, I don't even have a brother! It was me! I ATE SHEEP SHIT!!!

Dont do it jake said...

I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it 'the terminator'. First I crouch down in the shower in the classic 'naked terminator traveling through time' pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.

Dont do it jake said...

I'M KOREAN
SON OF A BITCH AMERICAN
AMERICAN IS PIG
DO YOU WANT HAMBURGER?
DO YOU WANT PIZZA?
AMERICAN IS PIG DISGUSTING
GEORGE WALKER BUSH IS MURDERER
FUCKING U.S.A

Dont do it jake said...

I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years! That's 3,000 pennies a day; 21,000 pennies a week; 1,092,000 pennies a year! To date that's 12,012,000 pennies, 8 times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies everyday. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with.

Dont do it jake said...

Hi, my name is Najeeri Mongo and I am a quadrapelic who is deaf, dumb, and blind. I also have a very blunted sense of touch. I have spent months learning to read braille with my mouth so that I can come onto the intenet and ask you all to help me. One of the care workers is touching my penis, a lot, and no one seems to be doing anything about it. Please respond if you can help me.

Dont do it jake said...

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

Dont do it jake said...

Sometimes I turn my computer chair away from me and lay on my bed. I look over at it and pretend that a girl is sitting there who loves me, but I just can't see her because of the high back of the chair. I lay on my bed and tell her to come over, and talk to her. But she never responds, she never shows herself. I make a deal with her; when I fall asleep she will come to lay with me. I fall asleep, wondering if I will ever feel her touch in my waking hours.

Dont do it jake said...

YOU KNOW GUYS I THINK INSTEAD OF CAPS-LOCK, WE SHOULD START SAYING CAPS-LOL, BECAUSE IT CERTAINLY IS AMUSING WATCHING CERTAIN UPTIGHT INTERNET NERDS GET ALL AGITATED OVER A BUNCH OF UPERCASE LETTERZ.

Dont do it jake said...

i heard some wolves dig up natural cannabis plants and get thc in their paws, but i never thought it was true until a wolf was hit by a car in front of my house! i smoked the paws and was six different kinds of fucked up

Dont do it jake said...

So I'm sitting at my xterm in KDE hacking some kernel code, and this bitch comes up to me and says "Do you know which of these computers runs Windows?" Well that did it. I flipped up my shades and looked her straight in the eye and said "Fuck no I'm open source bitch". I picked up my 10 lb IBM Model M keyboard and said "I can kick your ass at 120wpm" and broke it over the cunt's head. She dropped to her knees and I kicked the jewel case out of her hand and into her teeth. Next I grabbed her by the neck and said "How's your uptime" before suplexing her backward through the air and into the server room. Some smoke that smelled like burning hair started to drift out so I jumped on my razor scooter and rode off into the sunset.

Dont do it jake said...

One time I was performing anal sex on my best friends dog like I always did on the weekends, but this most recent time I must of thrusted too hard and I think I damaged the internals of the labrador. It then got a horrible hernia and soon died after my friend was attempting to coax it back to life. It felt great.

Dont do it jake said...

I'm a guy and my friend is a guy and for whatever reason I've always wanted to ejaculate in his face. For his birthday one year, I decided to bake him a birthday cake. In the middle of the baking, I decided I'll ejaculate in the cake. He ate the cake. Therefore I indirectly ejaculated in his face.

Dont do it jake said...

Sometims when I feel an unusually large bowel movement coming soon, I'll weigh myself before and after to determine the magnitude of the feces I'm shedding

Dont do it jake said...

My favorite way to masturbate is to purchase some Nickelodeon Gak. For those who don't know its a strange little gel substance that's really cold and slippery. It makes me feel like I'm having sex with an alien.

Dont do it jake said...

i wke up this morning with the true hope of cornflakes for breakfast. bt my mum didnt buy me cornflakes, she got me ricecles instead. i dnt wnt ricecles for brkfst. i want to die

Dont do it jake said...

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. YOUR MOTHER MAY HAVE BEEN BLESSED MORE TIMES BY THE SACRED WHITE RIVER OF MY PELVIC PALADIN, BUT THAT IS NO REASON TO GIVE ME THE GREEN EYE OF JEALOUSY, MY COCK-LOVING CAVALIER. BETWEEN US, TONIGHT WILL BE RELIGIOUS RAPTURE, FOR YOUR ANAL CLEFT SHALL BE MY GREAT SEA, AND I SHALL BE ITS MOSES, CLEAVING ITS MIGHTY CHOCOLATE OCEAN TO MAKE WAY FOR THE SAFE PASSAGE OF MY TESTICULAR TRIBE, HAVING BEEN GRANTED MEPHITIC FREEDOM FROM THE TYRANNY OF ENSLAVEMENT BEHIND A LOCKED PROSTATE. TO DO THIS, I WILL READY MY LONGINUS TO PIERCE YOUR BACKSIDE'S SACRED DOMAIN ' YOU WILL SCREAM FIRST IN PAIN, THEN IN PASSION AS ITS STEEL-LADEN GIRTH STRETCHES AND RIPS THE FABRIC OF YOUR MORTAL INNARDS, DISIMBUING YOU OF YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS, LEADING YOU TO A HEAVEN, THEN REVIVING YOUR FEELING OF PHYSICAL REALITY LIKE A ONCE-CRUCIFIED JESUS RETURNING TO EARTH. I GUARANTEE IT.

Dont do it jake said...

I went to walmart today. This kid was looking at the wii games and went "omg iz dat halo 3 for the wii?"
The employee said "No, thats Metroid"

I had to walk away

Dont do it jake said...

I JUST HAD THIS FREAK ACCIDENT WHERE I SAT DOWN TO WORK AND I SPILLED DOPE INTO THE BONG AND THE LIGHTER FLICKED OUT AND SET IT ON FIRE AND THE WHEELS OF MY CHAIR SLIPPED BACK AND I INHALED THE DOPE SMOKE AND ATE A MUFFIN

Dont do it jake said...

omg today i was going to gym class but i forgot my strip so i had to go to my locker so i was like "shit!" and david heard me and he was lieke "hey dont say shit lol" then i was like HAHAHAHAHAA omg he's so cute. i went to gym and i changed and claudia was like "hey i like your shirt" wow what a bitch if i ever saw her in an alliway i would totaly beat the fuck out of her pretty littel face whhat a hor. omg i wonder if david likes me tomorow im going to ignore him and maybe he will like me ok bye blog cya later hehe ^_^

Dont do it jake said...

i had a guy who was my best friend for like two years. i always cuddled him and watched movies with him. he was convinced i thought of him like a big brother/buddy only. i was in love with him. i tried and tried to get him to make a move but he was oblivious. i finally got his attention when i grabbed him, kissed him, todl him i loved him, and slipped my hand up his shorts and grabbed his cock

Dont do it jake said...

Sometimes when I put something full of flavor in my mouth, I close my eyes and feel like I'm flying-drifting into eternity, above and beyond all the craziness of the world below, and I dream that all there is in the world is love, harmony and bacon. In an effort to forward world peace, I plan to be the first person to send bacon into space.

Dont do it jake said...

HAY GUYS I LIKE BABIES, 0-1 YEAR OLD. I AM NEVERTHELESS A COMPLETELY HEALTHY AND SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEING.

FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD NEVER FUCK A BABY UNLESS THEY WOULD ASK ME TO. OF COURSE, IT IS WELL KNOWN THAT BABIES ARE SEXUAL BEINGS, AND NEVER HESITATE TO HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS, AS EXEMPLIFIED BY THEIR LOVE FOR FEMALE BREASTS. AND AS BABIES ARE KNOWN TO BE SHY, IT IS NATURAL THAT I INITIATE THE ENCOUNTER, AFTER MAKING SURE THE BABY UNDERSTANDS WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. IF THE BABY IS NOT OK WITH THIS, IT IS FREE TO SAY "NO, I AM NOT OK WITH THIS" AND I WILL RESPECTFULLY STOP.

THE GOVERNMENT, HOWEVER, IS REPRESSING ME, SO I ASK YOU ALL TO JOIN ME IN A FIGHT AGAINST OPRESSION FOR BABY FUCKERS EVERYWHERE. WRITE TO YOUR CONGRESSMAN!

Dont do it jake said...

I am white trash and I live in a trailer and it's raining real hard outside and I heard some hard knocking on my door and I looked out the window and I saw some guy wearing a mask running around to the back of the trailer and now I hear him banging on the side and then I saw him looking in another window and now I closed all the blinds and now the power has gone out and I think he's gonna break in and kill me.

Dont do it jake said...

When you see porn and your dick gets hard, try to touch your dick head with your lips. I have licked many times my cockhead in this way.

Dont do it jake said...

I'm not trying to brag or anything, but yeah, I smoke weed. I don't give a damn what anyone says regarding marijuana laws. Go ahead, trace my ip. Tell the cops where I live, I should be able to put whatever i want in my body, may it be marijuana, a 10 year olds childs semi erect penis, or cocaine. The government doesn't have any right telling us what is "ok" to consume.

Dont do it jake said...

If Jesus was Jewish, then why did he have a Puerto Rican name? You Stupid Faggots.

Dont do it jake said...

i was fucking this arab bitch right and she queefed turned out there was some mustard gas in there from the gulf war so i went home and played mirc

Dont do it jake said...

Does anyone remember that commercial on TV where the kids would drink Yoohoo or some other beverage out of one of those juice boxes with the red and white striped straw? They would get sucked into the box and have on giant party. I always thought that if I sucked hard enough I would get to go there and party.

Dont do it jake said...

guys i am shitting in my pants at this very moment i can feel the turds smashing against my white cotton briefs ohh yeah

Dont do it jake said...

I was chillin' with some boys and this crazy ass mofo called osama comes up to me and he goes "yo bud got some spare change praise allah faggot" and im like sure nigger and i gave him acouple bucks and he said "dont be rollin' near that wtc aight" and im like sure nig then he walked off

Dont do it jake said...

Hello. My unorthodox and blatant disregard for the fundamental rules of the English language make me unique. And it's cool, too. Notice; My semi-colons? I use a variety of punctuation implicitly; I am sophisticated. Sentence fragment. I wrote a poem.

Rain, Rain, go away!
Ravage my vagina,
another day.

I wrote this poem for Al Gore (my hero). It describes the critical state of our environment.

Peace,
out.

Dont do it jake said...

I've done it again. It always happens when I need to keep my cool. During the coffee break half way through my big sales pitch I went into the bathroom and carved "nigger" into my chest again. God, it stings so badly. I think the blood is seeping through the paper towels. I just hope my suit jacket covers me enough. All right, I need to get back into the real estate mindset again.

Dont do it jake said...

one time this guy showed me his 'drug free' tattoo so one day me and my buddies pinned this guy down and injected him with heroin. he was kicking and screaming and we all laughed and the next day we found out he killed himself LOL

Dont do it jake said...

good night

madmax992 said...

Holy shit!

Anonymous said...

IT'S LIKE I'M REALLY FOLLOWING A THREAD ON /b/

MB said...

GOOD GOD

Ryan said...

I think if this was a /b/ thread, then it might focus more on the Chinese gymnasts.

If you catch my drift.

Burningham17 said...

SHE IS HIDEOUS

Chris said...

^Feel free to leave whenever you want.

She's awesome, OK?

And Jake, I've noticed your posts have been a bit, uh, fucking bizarre lately. Aside from the music of course.

I do have to commend your appreciation of Shawn and accurate recreation of /b/ though. Much less freaky this time around. I have to admit that I was a tiny bit freaked on the flight back home after that obituary. It wasn't a huge deal, but it was something bothering me in the back of my head...

Tusken the Raider said...

HER CHEEKS ARE TO PUFFY

BUT I'D STILL WRECK HER CUNT SENSELESS.

Anonymous said...

GB2/CHEEKBONES/

THOSE ARE SOME CHILD-BEARING CHEEKS RIGHT THURR

Burningham17 said...

Really guys, really

you think she is attractive?

http://z.about.com/d/gymnastics/1/7/d/0/-/-/ShawnJohnsonAmericanCupChrisTrotmanGETTY80077523.jpg

No thank you.